Excitement lies behind the heart of a closed door.

Excitement lies behind the heart of a closed door.

On this cool Michigan summer night my mind is wandering again and so I feel like I have to run with it, on it, to it and S-P-E-L-L it out for those that may some day care.

Little moments come through.....little moments when it seems like I am really here and really being alive.....like as a human. Other times it is like a dream and I am just caught up in what I am a product of, caught up in my addictions of being who I am, Is that being Autumm? Is that being a woman? Is that being a being? And in those moments, the ones that seem like I am waking, I wonder how it is that I keep falling back into the day to day run round mouth sit watch consume do not act, act. Like a splash of cold water in the morning I come back to a neutral place and I get the urge to run again. And the weather has been so cool and I just love the feeling of the wind on my face and all.

Thinking about old poems and old style about making up dark fantastic stories that are part fiction and part truth. Making up blissful fantastic stories that...... Making up stories..... But then there is the real story learking behind that closed door.... and then there is my best friend, everyone's love, metaphor. And what is that real story? And how the hell should I know I am no journalist, no biographer, no historian. And this is the part where I am suppose to profess about how I am an artist, a poet, a writer but it would be a lie. The real story is that I am a real bitch looking to twist round the situation but for the mere fun of it, the real situation being what we make of it anyway, the real story is that I am a self centered money hungry lover of ego and I am always looking for another way around the situation, the real story is that I remember what I want to and care about what I want to and look at that morsel on the end of the fork before I put it in my mouth the way Mr. Burroughs asked me to when I want to and dream when I want to and take advantage when I want to and run when I want to.

But the real story is that I want to change and the real story is that I want to be that girl that I find in those moments, those moments that seem like I am waking.