Friday, July 29, 2005
But I'm ok with it
There are worse things then loneliness and it can actually be quite comforting honestly. I am ok with myself and I understand myself for the most part, there are some things that I am still trying to figure out but that makes life interesting. So what if the rest don't get it. I have a longing to really connect, to speak and be heard and to really hear where someone else is coming from. But it is not happening and I feel like I walk on egg shells to just not offend. This worries me because I am generally a very inquisitive person and it is quite stifling when even your questions are met with hostility, put downs and manipulation. Alas, I must take comfort in myself and pray for a connection.
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I know how you feel, like writer's block... 'life artisan's block.' There's the aloneness, the islands, and then there's the feeling that your best effort to be of real help to the human project will (probably suck :( for you) and (go unrewarded). Nothing much to do but learn from what life's presented. I rather fancy keeping a large portion of myself and channeling it creatively later. It's not ego so much as not letting him a) dwindle or b) Solve the Mystery on local TV.
Sensitivity is a bit of an albatross. You know you'll want it later, but dang... it's heavy... Still, no reason we can't be positive characters in the world before all is said and done, I say. Fortunately, the modern world loves hermits, and there was blogging, and it was cool.
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