Chess

I found the Chess game on my computer yesterday while at the telephone job. I am generally anti-competitive and will not engage in games of any kind. However, I was bored and I decided to see if I could figure it out. I knew a little about the game and played it in all kinds of different ways so that I could get a feel for it. I played 'loser' for a while, where you try to lose all of your pieces but the king and suicide where you try to lose all of your pieces. I really bonded with the game. I felt a horrible feeling of being trapped by my own inadequacies. As I was playing I thought " I have felt this way before", when I was at a job that I was trying so hard to complete or whenever I was trying to do something that I really did not understand. Chess is a game of strategy and while I was playing I was wondering if I was perhaps lacking in strategic skills that could help me in life. Perhaps that is the feeling that was making me so uncomfortable. More so then just not knowing the rules I have a problem with looking 3 steps ahead, so I get the feeling that I am at the mercy of the rest of the world.

Well no more I say. I have my virtual Chess game right here on my laptop and it is very forgiving in that it will give me hints and let me take my moves back as many times as I wish. So, I am going to learn more about chess and keep playing, even if it is just a metaphor for thinking ahead. After all what good is thinking ahead if you can't have a metaphor for it and soon soon I too shall be a step ahead.