So, I have been thinking a lot about television today. I have this craving to do a study comparing the state of the political world at any given time with the social atmosphere and what is shown on television.
What is getting me lately is the amount of shows that are making a killing on leaving us hanging. Lost is the first that comes to mind. While I have only caught the show a few times myself it is easy to realize that you never really know what is going on. If you are a faithful fan you are strung along week from week getting deeper and deeper into what the hell is going on. And once some small portion of the plot is revealed another mystery is created, and you are drug out for another three months trying to figure this one out. Nothing ever really resolves itself, many times you are given a little piece and you think ah ha I get it now, but no really you have just been sucked in a little deeper into believing that the writers actually know what the hell is going on. I really think that the writers and producers of such shows as Lost and this new Heros and Jeracho are actually all drunks and have real lives and at the last minute they have to choke out a few episodes so they end up like a college student the day before a big exam and try to crunch it all in.
This comparison to our current political situation is just too comical.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Bad Day
It all happened so fast. Driving down I-75 North bound, gonna go to Tiffs and practice breathing techqunices and positions for the labor. Then go to see the flute show at OR. Stuck in one of those clusters and everyone came to a stop ahead of me, I hit the break as fast as I could but I could tell quick that it was not going to work, so I swirved.
Man this sucks so so so so so much. Already so in debt from school and now all of this expense. The ticket, the insurance, the liabialty............
Could be worse, I have a great family that loves me. I called my dad first when it happened. All I could think was how dissapointed he was going to be in me. I knew mom would baby me but I just thought dad was gonna be pissed. The car was his mom's to begin with and it was a great deal keeping it in the family and all. (sorry Grandma) but when the tow truck pulled up at the house they were both standing there with these smirky grins and when they hugged me they were just so releaved that I was okay.....
In A2 I can get around without a car pretty good by bus. A few snags in late classes can be supplemented with cab rides. So this is another blessing.
Best blessing of all is that no one was hurt.... but man it scared the hell out of me.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Thinking bout this and that
Can you hear that?
That this that that that tick tock that rooooommm zooooomm
I thought about a story tonight
About driving along and hitting a person with my car
Perhaps a child
The horror of it
I thought about it
It did not happen
I thought about how we bring into our lives what we need
What we desire
What we deserve
What we have always come to come across
I though about him today
And how he was so lovely
To now be not so lovely
I thought about my own incompetence today
I thought about how nice it is to have someone to support me
I know how to know myself and now it is all about process
But now I am tipsy on wine and meditation is far from me
Now I am thinking about comfort and incompetence and how I want a baby
Now I am sick and alive and enlightenment is still here with me.
That this that that that tick tock that rooooommm zooooomm
I thought about a story tonight
About driving along and hitting a person with my car
Perhaps a child
The horror of it
I thought about it
It did not happen
I thought about how we bring into our lives what we need
What we desire
What we deserve
What we have always come to come across
I though about him today
And how he was so lovely
To now be not so lovely
I thought about my own incompetence today
I thought about how nice it is to have someone to support me
I know how to know myself and now it is all about process
But now I am tipsy on wine and meditation is far from me
Now I am thinking about comfort and incompetence and how I want a baby
Now I am sick and alive and enlightenment is still here with me.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Hate begets Hate
And why is it that people do the things that they do? What is human?
I mean people really do do really horrible things. People use one another and hurt one another. People kill each other and every other living thing on the planet. People maliciously hurt little children just to watch them suffer. People tie little kittens into a bag and toss them into the river. People sneak into other people’s houses and steal things that are not there own. People purposely hurt those that they love. People accidently hurt those that they don’t. People drop bombs on whole cities full of people that they have never met. People starve the poor because they don’t agree with governmental policy. People take advantage of those with good hearts. People sexually abuse women, men, children and animals. People needlessly kill. People need to kill just to stay alive. People get defensive and try to stand up for most horrible things that they do, talking about rights and you can’t take this from me. People expose their children to things that will kill them. People kill their children. People will watch others do without while they have so much.
And how do we deal with these truths? Well first off we separate and create the people of they in the caste of them. That, those people that I just mentioned, any one of them, or all of them as a whole, they are not me and they are not my family and those kind of people are not even close to human and they deserve to be locked away, they need have those horrible things done to them they need to have more horrible things done to them, they need to just be killed and taken out of our world completely. And we get defensive about how these people, the thems, are so different from us and how we are nothing like them and never could be, how they must have been born that way.
The problem with all of these ideals is that we have been doing this for years and it does not seem to be working. These people are still here and still doing those horrible things.
I mean people really do do really horrible things. People use one another and hurt one another. People kill each other and every other living thing on the planet. People maliciously hurt little children just to watch them suffer. People tie little kittens into a bag and toss them into the river. People sneak into other people’s houses and steal things that are not there own. People purposely hurt those that they love. People accidently hurt those that they don’t. People drop bombs on whole cities full of people that they have never met. People starve the poor because they don’t agree with governmental policy. People take advantage of those with good hearts. People sexually abuse women, men, children and animals. People needlessly kill. People need to kill just to stay alive. People get defensive and try to stand up for most horrible things that they do, talking about rights and you can’t take this from me. People expose their children to things that will kill them. People kill their children. People will watch others do without while they have so much.
And how do we deal with these truths? Well first off we separate and create the people of they in the caste of them. That, those people that I just mentioned, any one of them, or all of them as a whole, they are not me and they are not my family and those kind of people are not even close to human and they deserve to be locked away, they need have those horrible things done to them they need to have more horrible things done to them, they need to just be killed and taken out of our world completely. And we get defensive about how these people, the thems, are so different from us and how we are nothing like them and never could be, how they must have been born that way.
The problem with all of these ideals is that we have been doing this for years and it does not seem to be working. These people are still here and still doing those horrible things.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Random Quotes
I got tagged by Trishlet and I did not even know that she knew about this blog.
The rules are simple: look through random quotes and pick five from this list that in some way identify you. Then, explain why that identification is appropropriate.
_____________________________________________________
You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955), (attributed)
No offence to Al but I think I like “Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity” better. Though I don’t know who said it. It defines me because I am pro peace.
______________________________________________________
Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.
Louise Beal
Speaking to the nature of being happy with your situation as nothing is perfect and the grass is always greener kinda mentality. At the same time it is important that one takes some responsibility in this life for this life. It defines me because I am picky about who I let into my life and yet I still believe in (and try to practice) a general love for humankind.
_____________________________________________________
No matter how nice the company one might be with, however, it is never pleasant to have a rifle pointed at one's back.
Meg Cabot, (Jenny Carroll), Sanctuary, 2002
This is so true brothers and sisters. There is nothing like the serious questioning of the continuance of ones own mortality by another to put a damper on the day. That said surviving such an incident can be quite the character builder. It defines me because the statement is somewhat absurd and very true and I just dig that kind of stuff, must be my Gemini moon.
___________________________________________________
The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself.
Garth Brooks, Country Music
Wow Garth I am impressed. Simple statement and I agree.
__________________________________________________
The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is 'look under foot.' You are always nearer the divine and the true sources of your power than you think.
John Burroughs (1837 - 1921)
Defines me because I also believe that the divine resides in the ordinary.
____________________________________________________
I am looking for others to tag right now. I don't know others that blog really.
The rules are simple: look through random quotes and pick five from this list that in some way identify you. Then, explain why that identification is appropropriate.
_____________________________________________________
You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955), (attributed)
No offence to Al but I think I like “Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity” better. Though I don’t know who said it. It defines me because I am pro peace.
______________________________________________________
Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.
Louise Beal
Speaking to the nature of being happy with your situation as nothing is perfect and the grass is always greener kinda mentality. At the same time it is important that one takes some responsibility in this life for this life. It defines me because I am picky about who I let into my life and yet I still believe in (and try to practice) a general love for humankind.
_____________________________________________________
No matter how nice the company one might be with, however, it is never pleasant to have a rifle pointed at one's back.
Meg Cabot, (Jenny Carroll), Sanctuary, 2002
This is so true brothers and sisters. There is nothing like the serious questioning of the continuance of ones own mortality by another to put a damper on the day. That said surviving such an incident can be quite the character builder. It defines me because the statement is somewhat absurd and very true and I just dig that kind of stuff, must be my Gemini moon.
___________________________________________________
The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself.
Garth Brooks, Country Music
Wow Garth I am impressed. Simple statement and I agree.
__________________________________________________
The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is 'look under foot.' You are always nearer the divine and the true sources of your power than you think.
John Burroughs (1837 - 1921)
Defines me because I also believe that the divine resides in the ordinary.
____________________________________________________
I am looking for others to tag right now. I don't know others that blog really.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Trip to Canada Part 1
When I told most people that I was taking a two week vacation to participate in a ten day silent meditation many seemed a bit bewildered, perhaps even concerned. I think it was all those rainbow gatherings that did it to me honestly. Ya see most gatherings peak in the middle with a silent morn, broken at noon with every form of debauchery know to human kind. When I first started going it was the debauchery that turned me on, but as time progressed it was the silence that got my juices flowing.
I first heard of Vippassana in India. My travel mates were considering doing the ten day stint. But as Fruity and Cloud backed out and I had never even heard of the technique before, it fell down the creek that ran beside the Elephant Cave.
Just after my 31st birthday there was a shift in me and I was lamenting the loss of my life while contemplating my current birth with a friend and she brought the technique to my attention again.
I bookend a reservation for a sit months in advance, around the time my work contract would expire. The center was in Canada about an hour north of Toronto. I would bring my tent and travel Canada afterward. School would start in September but the course let out in the middle of July. I would get my silence and my nature.
I waited as work and school took up all of my time. As school ended work increased and I took it with pleasure as I find I actually enjoy work. When they offered me more work that would extend through my Canada trip, I took it with the reservation of the ten day retreat set aside.
The morning that I was to start off I decided to get an oil change, two new tires and a rotation before heading off. I arrived at the Valvoline Oil Instant Oil Change in Allen Park MI at about 5min after 8 am. The stalls were all empty and someone was inside, after about 5min he opened a stall and let me in. He was working alone at first but another man came in shortly.
He suggested that I get a few extra services that they offer, all of which I declined except for a fuel filter which I asked for more information about. He said that it would improve my gas mileage and that there was a special as it would only be 39.99 when it regularly would be 59.99. I asked how long it would take as I was on a schedule and he said ten min. I agreed and he continued to work and in a few minutes went below and the other man that came in later (Later I would find out his name was Joe) started working with me personally.
After about 10min he came back up and said that there were complications with the line, that it was rusted and that he would have to go get a part. He asked if I wanted to continue. Again I asked how long it would take as I was on a schedule and he said about 7min this time so again I agreed. He left and returned with the part and returned to the basement and continued to work on my car.
Joe cashed me out and I thought that this would mean that I was able to leave but he told me that it would still be a few minutes. He offered me some free air fresheners and posters for the movie Cars. When he had the fuel filter off the first man came and showed it to me but I did not see much rust. It was rather dirty and looked old and the man mentioned that some kind of sealant had been put on the connection and that was why he could not get it off.
The Manager came in during all of this and also joined in working on my car. All three of the men were going up and down the stairs working on cars in all three stalls. Then the Manager came up and said that everything was good and opened the door for me to leave. I started the car put my foot on the brake and as soon as I put the car in drive the brake fell to the floor. I tapped it a few times and it was barely stopping and I had to push myself forward in the seat to push it hard enough to stop the car.
I asked “Wo what happened to my brakes”
They had me back up and closed the door again. The manager and the first man that worked with me were working on my car from beneath for about 15min when the manager came up and said that he had bad news. He said that the brake line had been damaged and would have to be replaced. He said that they would do the work with out charge but that it would take about an hour. I explained that I was leaving for a trip and how that was really bad. He asked me what I wanted to do. I asked what I could do, I had to wait and let them finish.
Time passed, the first man left and returned and left and returned again. They kept asking me to turn the key without starting the car and turn it back and to pump the brakes. They kept asking if the brakes were getting harder, but they were not.
The first man that helped me asked me to get out of the car and he pulled the car forward and back again and again. He got out and went underneath again. Then the manager went to the big door and said “lets try this again”
I pulled up about halfway and though my car would stop it was with some effort. I told him at this point that the service was unacceptable and that I was expecting him to refund my money. He began to tell me that I would have to contact Valvoline directly and that they would send me a check when I told him that if he did not refund my money on the spot that I would call the number as well as the better business bureau and every consumer news organization that I could find in the area. I had been very patient and forgiving up to this point but the manager forgot about that and became very irate with me and kept telling me not to threaten him. I tried to explain that I was not threatening him but explaining the course of action that I would take if my money was not refunded to me promptly but he would not listen and tried to tell me how to approach the situation. At this point he said that no one was saying that he would not refund my money so I again simply asked for it and he complied.
I also asked for a record of the work that had been done on my car, as I keep very good records of all of the work done on my car. The manager asked me to pull around to the back and park, while doing this I could really tell that the brakes were still very bad. Again, I told the manager that the brakes were not right but he did not seem concerned. I was provided with two receipts one showing the work that I had paid for and that I had paid, and one showing the work that I had paid for and the fact that I had been reimbursed. When I got back to my car I realized that there was no mention for the brake work that had been done so I went back inside and asked the manager to make note of that on the invoice. He refused to do so and made Joe write out the work on the invoice and sign it. When I asked the manager to do it because he was the manager he told me that he was that assistant manager and that Joe would detail the work done on my invoice for me.
Getting back in my car I realized that the car was dangerous so I put on my hazards and drove 10mph to my mechanic where I was informed that the car had no back brakes at all, the parts used on my car were illegal and could have failed at any moment and that my car was leaking gas. I was also informed that a certified mechanic should have their certification number on the recipt and neither recipts from Valvoline had it. It was then that I realized that Valvoline did not even do brake work.
It took my mechanic about 5 hrs to finish the repair. I called the center and they were willing to receive me late if I was willing to drive through the night to get there. I started off at 7pm and did not get there till 1am. The teacher stayed up till midnight and called me from the road. Realize that he is up at 4am for morning meditation. It was a good thing too because I realized that my directions were incomplete and needed him to fill in the blanks for me.
I first heard of Vippassana in India. My travel mates were considering doing the ten day stint. But as Fruity and Cloud backed out and I had never even heard of the technique before, it fell down the creek that ran beside the Elephant Cave.
Just after my 31st birthday there was a shift in me and I was lamenting the loss of my life while contemplating my current birth with a friend and she brought the technique to my attention again.
I bookend a reservation for a sit months in advance, around the time my work contract would expire. The center was in Canada about an hour north of Toronto. I would bring my tent and travel Canada afterward. School would start in September but the course let out in the middle of July. I would get my silence and my nature.
I waited as work and school took up all of my time. As school ended work increased and I took it with pleasure as I find I actually enjoy work. When they offered me more work that would extend through my Canada trip, I took it with the reservation of the ten day retreat set aside.
The morning that I was to start off I decided to get an oil change, two new tires and a rotation before heading off. I arrived at the Valvoline Oil Instant Oil Change in Allen Park MI at about 5min after 8 am. The stalls were all empty and someone was inside, after about 5min he opened a stall and let me in. He was working alone at first but another man came in shortly.
He suggested that I get a few extra services that they offer, all of which I declined except for a fuel filter which I asked for more information about. He said that it would improve my gas mileage and that there was a special as it would only be 39.99 when it regularly would be 59.99. I asked how long it would take as I was on a schedule and he said ten min. I agreed and he continued to work and in a few minutes went below and the other man that came in later (Later I would find out his name was Joe) started working with me personally.
After about 10min he came back up and said that there were complications with the line, that it was rusted and that he would have to go get a part. He asked if I wanted to continue. Again I asked how long it would take as I was on a schedule and he said about 7min this time so again I agreed. He left and returned with the part and returned to the basement and continued to work on my car.
Joe cashed me out and I thought that this would mean that I was able to leave but he told me that it would still be a few minutes. He offered me some free air fresheners and posters for the movie Cars. When he had the fuel filter off the first man came and showed it to me but I did not see much rust. It was rather dirty and looked old and the man mentioned that some kind of sealant had been put on the connection and that was why he could not get it off.
The Manager came in during all of this and also joined in working on my car. All three of the men were going up and down the stairs working on cars in all three stalls. Then the Manager came up and said that everything was good and opened the door for me to leave. I started the car put my foot on the brake and as soon as I put the car in drive the brake fell to the floor. I tapped it a few times and it was barely stopping and I had to push myself forward in the seat to push it hard enough to stop the car.
I asked “Wo what happened to my brakes”
They had me back up and closed the door again. The manager and the first man that worked with me were working on my car from beneath for about 15min when the manager came up and said that he had bad news. He said that the brake line had been damaged and would have to be replaced. He said that they would do the work with out charge but that it would take about an hour. I explained that I was leaving for a trip and how that was really bad. He asked me what I wanted to do. I asked what I could do, I had to wait and let them finish.
Time passed, the first man left and returned and left and returned again. They kept asking me to turn the key without starting the car and turn it back and to pump the brakes. They kept asking if the brakes were getting harder, but they were not.
The first man that helped me asked me to get out of the car and he pulled the car forward and back again and again. He got out and went underneath again. Then the manager went to the big door and said “lets try this again”
I pulled up about halfway and though my car would stop it was with some effort. I told him at this point that the service was unacceptable and that I was expecting him to refund my money. He began to tell me that I would have to contact Valvoline directly and that they would send me a check when I told him that if he did not refund my money on the spot that I would call the number as well as the better business bureau and every consumer news organization that I could find in the area. I had been very patient and forgiving up to this point but the manager forgot about that and became very irate with me and kept telling me not to threaten him. I tried to explain that I was not threatening him but explaining the course of action that I would take if my money was not refunded to me promptly but he would not listen and tried to tell me how to approach the situation. At this point he said that no one was saying that he would not refund my money so I again simply asked for it and he complied.
I also asked for a record of the work that had been done on my car, as I keep very good records of all of the work done on my car. The manager asked me to pull around to the back and park, while doing this I could really tell that the brakes were still very bad. Again, I told the manager that the brakes were not right but he did not seem concerned. I was provided with two receipts one showing the work that I had paid for and that I had paid, and one showing the work that I had paid for and the fact that I had been reimbursed. When I got back to my car I realized that there was no mention for the brake work that had been done so I went back inside and asked the manager to make note of that on the invoice. He refused to do so and made Joe write out the work on the invoice and sign it. When I asked the manager to do it because he was the manager he told me that he was that assistant manager and that Joe would detail the work done on my invoice for me.
Getting back in my car I realized that the car was dangerous so I put on my hazards and drove 10mph to my mechanic where I was informed that the car had no back brakes at all, the parts used on my car were illegal and could have failed at any moment and that my car was leaking gas. I was also informed that a certified mechanic should have their certification number on the recipt and neither recipts from Valvoline had it. It was then that I realized that Valvoline did not even do brake work.
It took my mechanic about 5 hrs to finish the repair. I called the center and they were willing to receive me late if I was willing to drive through the night to get there. I started off at 7pm and did not get there till 1am. The teacher stayed up till midnight and called me from the road. Realize that he is up at 4am for morning meditation. It was a good thing too because I realized that my directions were incomplete and needed him to fill in the blanks for me.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Excitement lies behind the heart of a closed door.
Excitement lies behind the heart of a closed door.
On this cool Michigan summer night my mind is wandering again and so I feel like I have to run with it, on it, to it and S-P-E-L-L it out for those that may some day care.
Little moments come through.....little moments when it seems like I am really here and really being alive.....like as a human. Other times it is like a dream and I am just caught up in what I am a product of, caught up in my addictions of being who I am, Is that being Autumm? Is that being a woman? Is that being a being? And in those moments, the ones that seem like I am waking, I wonder how it is that I keep falling back into the day to day run round mouth sit watch consume do not act, act. Like a splash of cold water in the morning I come back to a neutral place and I get the urge to run again. And the weather has been so cool and I just love the feeling of the wind on my face and all.
Thinking about old poems and old style about making up dark fantastic stories that are part fiction and part truth. Making up blissful fantastic stories that...... Making up stories..... But then there is the real story learking behind that closed door.... and then there is my best friend, everyone's love, metaphor. And what is that real story? And how the hell should I know I am no journalist, no biographer, no historian. And this is the part where I am suppose to profess about how I am an artist, a poet, a writer but it would be a lie. The real story is that I am a real bitch looking to twist round the situation but for the mere fun of it, the real situation being what we make of it anyway, the real story is that I am a self centered money hungry lover of ego and I am always looking for another way around the situation, the real story is that I remember what I want to and care about what I want to and look at that morsel on the end of the fork before I put it in my mouth the way Mr. Burroughs asked me to when I want to and dream when I want to and take advantage when I want to and run when I want to.
But the real story is that I want to change and the real story is that I want to be that girl that I find in those moments, those moments that seem like I am waking.
On this cool Michigan summer night my mind is wandering again and so I feel like I have to run with it, on it, to it and S-P-E-L-L it out for those that may some day care.
Little moments come through.....little moments when it seems like I am really here and really being alive.....like as a human. Other times it is like a dream and I am just caught up in what I am a product of, caught up in my addictions of being who I am, Is that being Autumm? Is that being a woman? Is that being a being? And in those moments, the ones that seem like I am waking, I wonder how it is that I keep falling back into the day to day run round mouth sit watch consume do not act, act. Like a splash of cold water in the morning I come back to a neutral place and I get the urge to run again. And the weather has been so cool and I just love the feeling of the wind on my face and all.
Thinking about old poems and old style about making up dark fantastic stories that are part fiction and part truth. Making up blissful fantastic stories that...... Making up stories..... But then there is the real story learking behind that closed door.... and then there is my best friend, everyone's love, metaphor. And what is that real story? And how the hell should I know I am no journalist, no biographer, no historian. And this is the part where I am suppose to profess about how I am an artist, a poet, a writer but it would be a lie. The real story is that I am a real bitch looking to twist round the situation but for the mere fun of it, the real situation being what we make of it anyway, the real story is that I am a self centered money hungry lover of ego and I am always looking for another way around the situation, the real story is that I remember what I want to and care about what I want to and look at that morsel on the end of the fork before I put it in my mouth the way Mr. Burroughs asked me to when I want to and dream when I want to and take advantage when I want to and run when I want to.
But the real story is that I want to change and the real story is that I want to be that girl that I find in those moments, those moments that seem like I am waking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
